I enjoy running, I always have. I’m not a fast runner nor will I ever be. I don’t run for speed or times (I did years ago). Now, it’s purely about the meditation, time out, fitness and endorphins.
This trip I am endeavouring to run often. It can be scary heading down a path you don’t know. Really scary. Some days there are overgrown paths, graffitied abandoned buildings, some days the paths are silent bush paths, others the beach is alongside me and my fellow joggers pass by with a “bonjour” or a “hola”.
Many thoughts come when I run and on some days, I’ll get the big brain farts. A new term I picked up from the lovely Cybele Masterman of Blah Blah Magazine. It’s the brain farts I’m going to write about while I travel.
The camper tips, travel write ups they may or may not come, but later. I need to live it first. That’s the thing about writing for me, it’s never been about the creating a book of tips but about creating a meaningful life.
One particular morning as I ran along an overgrown path that had kind of an ‘eerie’ feeling I was thinking, ‘am I nuts’? So, I begin to rationalise and think through where the ‘eerie’ comes from. I’m somewhere new and I’m completely foreign in this country where I understand nothing.
I think to myself “how do you know what’s at the end of the path or who you’ll meet if you never take a new route?” And, I realise I don’t want to be scared anymore. I don’t want to be scared to take new paths, to try new things to create something for myself, to maybe set some bigger goals. To trust that I have something valuable to contribute. It has taken sometime to build this confidence and still something I need to work on. Not being scared to feel, to talk, to connect with what matters and to act that’s the base I’ve been building.
True, I’m not the same person I was 12 years ago when I bunkered down to have kids but here I am in this new phase. Later this year they’ll all be at school I’ll have some time. I’ll never have the time or energy I had before having kids and I have their welfare as well as my own to prioritise but I feel ready to expand.
In the time I had children I did study a midwifery degree as it enabled me to work weekends and after work hours. It also gave me the opportunity to work with women and support them in what is one of the most personal and life changing journeys of their lives. I love that one on one relationship and the difference support can make to a families experience. This door will not be open to me in Europe and I’m ready something different.
On I ran this particular morning, bush bashing my way down the path and I happened upon a bike track and then a fun run. From the solo run to a community run, I tagged along. I enjoyed it, it reminded me of running in fun runs, the training, anticipation, the sense of achievement. I did promise myself that I would sign up for some runs after this trip and maybe get that marathon monkey off my back. There a goal, number 1.
What form this expansion will take I don’t know? I’m not putting too much pressure on myself to have the answer…I have this trip to live first, but slowly, I’ll let it simmer in the background. It’ll need to be aligned with my values and suit my need to be in the shadows (brain fart 2, next week). I do know that I don’t want to be scared and all the new running paths are helping me to build some armour. Just as each time we land somewhere new that wasn’t part of the ‘plan’ something to learn from, a story, an experience unfurls.
P.s. This was a hiking photo from this morning taken by Z on her request! I did run the same track later alone to take in that beauty. It was a little scary, this bush road, alone (not the alone bit, I’m good at alone) but the vulnerability. Tomorrow I’ll go and run it again because I refuse to be scared.